DIFFICULT to imagine Patrick McGoohan making a backside of himself at the Golden Globes or any other awards ceremony for that matter.

Why do occasions like this turn actors into gibbering idiots who either cannot stop speaking or are reduced to emitting a series of gasps, grunts, squeals, squawks and hoots, as they attempt to come to terms with the “shock’ of being awarded something for which they were already on a very short, er, shortlist indeed.

Come on Kate, it cannot have been that much of a surprise. Yet there was Ms Winslet, seemingly breathing and crying her last in front of her counterparts last Sunday.

I did not have her down as an excitable type, but unless she was using the occasion to audition for the part of a highly strung actor who against all odds win a top award, then her performance was simply, excruciating.

The awful thing is, we might have to endure it all again at the Oscars. Please, please, please, Academy of Motion Picture and Arts and Sciences, give the Best Actress statue to someone we’ve never heard of - Marion Cotillard, Marlee Matlin, Louise Fletcher anyone?

Surely anyone but Kate? Or I warn you, you’ll be there all night.