‘Fostering a child is a rewarding challenge’

The young couple are breaking the mould of the stereotypical foster carer having yet to have had their own children.

Megan, 29, said: “I personally wanted to do it for years. I heard an advert just driving on the radio and something just hit me, and I thought ‘that’d be nice.’

“It’d be really nice to really input into a child’s life. I’ve worked with children for 10 years but you just have them for a bit and off they go.

“I text and got the little package you get but I knew Kris had never worked with any children and hadn’t really come into contact with children and I thought, now’s not the right time to mention it to him.

“It was about two years and a friend of mine is fostering with Blaenau Gwent Council and I was in Sainsbury’s and a friend and I bumped into her with the little girl she fosters.

“She told us the whole story, at the stage she came she should’ve been walking, talking, feeding herself and she was literally just a little blob on the sofa, didn’t move, didn’t smile, had no communication skills.

“She said ‘every day I just talk to her as if we were having a conversation’, I just zoned out and looked at the child and thought ‘how could this happen?’ and it just hit home.

“She said the child had just said nothing and then she was in Asda one day and the child said ‘oh that’s pretty’ and she just thought ‘oh my gosh’.

“So I got home that night and I just said to Kris, this is something I really want to do, we’ve got the space, the hours I work can go alongside fostering so to give a child like that the start in life that they really deserve, I thought, if we can do it, why not?”

A chat with a foster carer was all it took for Megan’s husband Kris to get on board and the couple started the process with Blaenau Gwent Council.

“Through the process you get told awful things that the children might have gone through and what the child could be like in your care, and you’ve got to be mindful of that because people expect the sweet little child to come in but it can be hard work”, Megan added.

The couple, who most recently fostered a young girl for seven months, said the highlight was seeing how the children develop, particularly because they have yet to have their own children to see that progress.

“I talk to her all the time and she’s started to pick up things that I say, she walks around and says ‘oh wow’ and I just think, that’s me”, Megan added.

“Just seeing how the children grow in such a short space of time. We’ve seen her in these very crucial stages where they learn probably more than they ever will.

“Listening her count to 10, I taught her that! That’s a really nice feeling.

“The early years are so so important and every child deserves that and to know you can give that to children outside your family, it’s so rewarding. And to think they’re no longer in a situation where they wake up thinking ‘am I going to be fed?’”

Megan, who works at an after-school club, said having a good support network is key but it can be hard to find baby sitters as you can only use people who have been approved.

“They suggest not making a wide variety of people to look after them as they don’t want loads of people going in and out of their lives”, she added.

There can, of course, be difficulties including hearing about a child’s past.

Megan said: “We had two that were physically abused and neglected but they were such sweet-natured girls. You just look at them and think ‘how?’ They’ve had really sad backgrounds.

“When you see this parent and you think ‘I know what you’ve done to this child,’ that’s hard. The crazy thing is these children still absolutely love their parents.”

Of the little girl the Mocks have fostered, Megan said: “She brings a lot of joy into the house and keeps me going. If you want to lose weight, foster!

“If you’ve got the time and the space and the desire to change a child’s life then do it. It comes with its ups and downs but the ups far outweigh the downs.”

l Wanting children with their new partner prompted Tracy and Robert Skarratts, of Sirhowy, to foster.

The couple, who were last year named foster carers of the year, have been fostering for six years and have looked after siblings for the last four years.

Tracy, 50, said: “We got into it because me and Rob – it’s our second marriage, we haven’t got kids together and we’re both from big families so we thought if we go into fostering then it’s something we can do together and give somebody a good start in life.”

Forty-nine-year-old Robert agreed: “We wanted to see how our parenting skills matched up, we had so many opinions on how to bring kids up.”

The couple each have their own grown-up children, with Robert having four children and Tracy having two.

Despite not planning on becoming adoptive parents, the couple couldn’t resist adopting a four-year-old boy they were fostering, prompting yet another process by social services.

The couple now have a son the same age of one of Tracy’s grandsons, which can lead to funny arguments between the two as they debate whether Tracy is their ‘Mammy’ or ‘Nanny’.

Having both come from large families, the couple said they craved a busy home.

Robert added: “We bring them into our house as our children, they’re not foster children here.

“My children, Tracy’s children accept them, they’re not lodging here, they’re our children. When you buy into that it is something that’s hard when they leave.”

Tracy added: “When they’ve got to go it’s still upsetting, if you didn’t have any feelings it wouldn’t be right.

“You never forget them but you have to think ‘we’ve done our job now’.”

As well as fostering long-term, the couple also do a lot of respite work, having children for a few hours, overnight or for a weekend.

“I do a buddy with a mum and a baby and I take her out to make sure she’s OK”, added Tracy.

“Because she lost her family, it’s just to give her a bit of support and be a bit of a mum role and guide her. I take her out shopping, make sure she’s budgeting her money ok. She enjoys my company and if she needs me I’m there.”

“And make sure the baby stays with mum”, Robert added.

Robert said the couple feel enormous pride seeing their foster children perform in school plays as it shows they can flourish despite their backgrounds.

At present, the couple is fostering siblings who were “overwhelmed” when they realised they would have their own bedrooms.

Robert added the pair also got emotional of Christmas when they opened their presents.

Tracy said: “It’s nice to see the outcome from when they first came. It’s nice seeing them achieve things they might not have before.

“Sometimes when the child comes in, it’s harder for them to accept us.

“It can be upsetting,” Tracy said. “When they come in with nothing and they’re crying. The girl we have now, she was just standing at the window crying and crying.”

Robert, a prison officer who has worked in a juvenile facility, added the siblings have had learning and behavioural difficulties but the family try to do everything together and discuss any problems.

“We do a lot of techniques, breathing exercises, time out for 10 minutes,” he added.

“We try to demonstrate how behaviour can have an effect on the rest of the house.

“We’ve been really fortunate with the children we can have in, they can have a few tantrums but we’ve never had violence.”

On their own adopted son, Tracy said: “We’ve never hid anything from him. He knows he’s got brothers and the oldest is still in care, the other is adopted so we don’t get to see him.

“He knows he’s got two mummies.”

Tracy admitted the girl they are fostering found it difficult when they didn’t adopt her.

“She said why are you adopting him and not us?

“We had to explain that they weren’t up for adoption. The little girl said he’s going to have your name, she wanted our name so she could be part of the family and I had to explain that Rob has four boys, I have two children who are not my name now, that doesn’t make any difference.

“They’re my children and I love them as much as I love you. And she was happy with that.

“She’s also getting worried about what happens if she wants to stay after she’s 18. We said she doesn’t have to think about anything like that.”

One of the things the couple has to be more wary about is that the children are watching age-appropriate films or playing age-appropriate games.

“If they’ve had a lot of violence in their life, that [violent films] is not going to help him”, Tracy added. “It can be difficult.”

The couple, who are also training for their NVQ in childcare, urge other families to consider fostering.

“It’s best thing I’ve ever done and the best thing I’ve achieved”, Tracy added.

Robert said: “It’s not a job, its 24/7. You don’t clock on. It’s a life choice.”

“Theirs is a huge need, especially for teenagers”, Tracy said. “I suggest people go for it, there’s so many children coming in to care.

“Anyone that’s got a room should consider thinking about it. It’s not for everybody. You have to go to have a bit of will power.”

Visit blaenau-gwent.gov.uk for more information on fostering.