IF the worst elements of reality TV have taught us anything, it’s that rancid attention-seekers must not be encouraged.

They’ve heralded an era where an X Factor rejection is now the passport to a career, rather than glorious oblivion like it used to be.

So you can imagine my anguish at ITV’s new daytime gameshow Pick Me! where the studio audience, all in fancy dress on a migraine-inducing white set, get chosen to play by drawing the most attention to themselves.

And how, exactly, did the first contestant do that?

By throwing an American football, an actual American football, at host Stephen Mulhern, hitting him flush in the mush.

From which point I became utterly and helplessly hooked on this terrible, terrible show.

To win a prize, like a year’s supply of Weetabix, Cadbury World tickets, sailing lesson or “a pair of electric scooters with a top speed of 15mph”, they have to guess which one of the “prize panel”, also picked from the crowd, has the correct answer on their screen.

The other two’s are blank and, here’s where the fun begins, they must make up their own convincing one on the spot.

Thanks to the levels of monumental thickness and lack of wit, it’s produced these Q&As… “Enid Blyton enjoyed playing what game in the nude?” Contestant: “He enjoyed playing tennis.” Mulhern: “Yes, so she did.”

“The Isle of Man hosts the famous TT motorcycle race. What does TT stand for?” Contestant: “Topless Tandem.”

“In 2014, which city was the most searched for holiday among Brits?” “Cuba!” Mulhern: “We’re looking for a city.” “Ibiza!”

Rest assured, ITV is fully aware of the intelligence void they’re mining here.

There’s no call for silence for the star prize question — players are actively encouraged to get help from the audience.

And if the prize panellists are properly unhinged, they’d take the worst gamble in game show history, risking £1,000 for that round’s prize, like a strange little man named Raden did with a trip to the zoo up for grabs.

There is, though, something frankly disturbing about Pick Me!

The fancy-dress crowd is a genuinely terrifying sea of evil clowns, mutant unicorns, 6ft carrots, whoopee cushions, a possible stalker with a Mulhern mask, another wearing a shower cap calling himself “Robster”, the clipboard-wielding floor manager padding out the four-row-deep crowd.

And Max who arrived with a CND wall-hanging around his shoulders and clutching a banana, prompting this question from Mulhern: “What have you come as?”

Max: “Well I woke up a bit late this morning so I grabbed that and threw it on as a cape.”

Hmm, and the banana?

“That’s left over from lunch.”

The presenter must be expecting Ant and Dec to take off their masks at any moment and reveal it’s all another Saturday Night Takeaway prank.

Spudulikes…

The magnetic Stellan Skarsgård as BBC1’s River.

Strictly’s Darcey Bussell on Jeremy Vine: “You make a dance your own. It might not be the dance we’re wanting but…”

The Apprentice’s lost-in-translation Calais treasure hunt, with such fluent French as: “Best prix?”

The heroic This Morning producer who put the caption above reporter Sarah Powell at the Spectre screening: “Live James Bond Junket.”

And EastEnders following Elaine suggesting a Halloween costume competition at The Vic with this showdown… Pam: “What are you saying? You put on women’s things?” Hubby Les: “Yes. When it gets too much for me…” Pam: “You go round to my best friend’s flat and slip on a pair of M&S panties!”

Elaine, we have a winner.

Spuduhates…

The ridiculous “Back To The Future day” hype infecting a whole segment of Newsnight.

BBC2’s Building Cars Live spending three hours following a Mini being made, only to miss it coming off the production line.

The Wright Stuff booking Sugababes’ Jade Ewen to discuss ISIS.

X Factor’s Simon Cowell making singers justify their place with a speech.

Sky1 travesty The Muppets undoing 40 years of good work.

EastEnders dismantling a perfectly decent soap character by turning undertaker Les Coker into cross-dresser “Christine”.

And Eternal Glory’s Prof Greg Whyte’s prediction for the Hold Your Own event: “Shane Williams is definitely going to be the winner. First one out? Liz McColgan.” Richard Bacon four minutes later: “… And Liz is the winner.”