GOOD news, everyone. TLC channel’s voiceover man has an exciting announcement.

“Katie Price is back as you’ve never seen her before.”

Ooh! Whatever can it be?

Wing-walking on an Airbus A320? Joining the Eggheads panel? Newsnight’s new Syria Correspondent?

Not quite. She’s starring in a new reality show called Katie Price’s Pony Club following events at her humble abode with her kids and (current) husband.

I know what you’re thinking — that is indeed brand new, we’ve seen nothing of its like before, they’re stretching what we all thought impossible on TV.

Though I would point out one small but crucial difference this time.

It’s the most pointless exercise in television history.

She’s basically set up an equestrian school in her back garden for Junior, Princess and four friends’ kids by persuading a network to pay for her stables conversion.

Why? I’m at a complete loss, I’m afraid.

What I can tell you is that each week they’re learning a different horsey discipline culminating in a challenge if they’re deemed up to the task, beginning on Thursday’s series opener with a bloodhound hunt.

“But,” the narrator teased, “with balancing her crazy life, red carpet, TV hosting and family, can she really pull it off?”

Well, incredibly, no. The clues for the failure to come were there early doors: “Katie is fully aware that riding in a hunt is a big ask. For her, experiencing the sense of occasion in a hunt is more important than whether the children physically ride in it or not.”

So it’s my journalistic duty to report that half of the six kids, including both of Katie’s, hadn’t reached the required standard (staying on a horse) by the big day and were forced to sit it out.

And the three who were permitted to take part have already earned their spurs anyway, with years of riding experience.

Don’t, however, assume that this is nothing more than a show about six rich kids trotting around.

As Junior said: “People expect our house to be diamonds everywhere. But actually we just basically live a normal life.”

A sentiment backed up by Katie speaking of one of the mums, Jane: “I was introduced to her by my dressage instructor.”

I mean, what could be more normal than that? I’ve lost count of the number of friends I have thanks to my dressage instructor.

And which normal individual doesn’t have a botox-and-filler pampering station in their kitchen for their friends?

The Pricey explained: “A lot of people that work outside are very weathered, which is why I introduced botox.”

But it wasn’t just her mates she was insulting.

Her coach got stuck in a pile of dung and had to be hauled out by tractor, leaving Katie and co three hours late to the Cheshire hunt formal dinner.

And when they did finally arrive, Katie entered in a wedding dress, presumably to get a reaction so she could accuse them of snobbery.

Except they didn’t rise to it and she was the one left looking classless in the dining room doorway, alongside her buddies who she’d also made to wear the same stupid bridal attire.

As Katie said choosing the outfits in the boutique: “A cocktail dress is boring. Boring!”

It’s not the only boring thing around here, Pricey.

Trot on.

Spudulikes…

Gary Lineker honouring his MOTD underpants promise.

Genuinely lovely golden couple Jason Kenny and Laura Trott capping Team GB’s phenomenal Olympics.

Emma Willis snapping attention-seeker Heavy D out of a “Boom!” torrent to the crowd in his Celebrity Big Brother eviction interview with one glorious word: “Colin!”

Bride-to-be Maria’s hen party gatecrashing Dan Walker’s BBC4 Rio studio. Plus its nightly “Copacabinmen” action with the revelation: “They’re called Pedro, Alejandro, Raphael and Donatello, so they’re halfway to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

And this unexpected response to Jack’s chat-up line on First Dates: “What are your favourite flowers?” Morgan: “Lilies. But I think that symbolises death.” You’re in there, Jack.

Spuduhates…

This Morning devoting eight whole minutes to “how to stock your fridge correctly”.

Public proposals at medal ceremonies and a disgracefully disrespectful home crowd souring Rio 2016.

Dragons’ Den using DIY gadget inventor Martin Chard’s Asperger’s and dyslexia as a sob story.

C5 letting CBB monster Stephen Bear get away with murder, despite issuing countless warnings over his behaviour, because they’ve a Viacom sister channel reality show, starring Bear, to promote (MTV’s Ex On The Beach).

The damning words in a BBC press release: “Celebrity for Strictly Come Dancing confirmed,” followed immediately by: “Hollyoaks star.” (That’s this series knackered then.) And the imminent return of X Factor. So I’m sure you’ll understand that I’m off for a fortnight. Column returns on September 9.