CAST your minds back 15 months.

The Met Office declared the hottest July day on record.

George Osbourne announced billions in welfare cuts in his first Budget as Chancellor.

And Channel 4 got it into their heads that they could match complete strangers through DNA, psychological profiling, a questionnaire and a tape measure and expect them to hit it off famously on clapping eyes on each other at the altar.

Quelle surprise, the social experiment, called Married at First Sight, had a success rate of zero per cent.

One bride got cold feet and never reached the register office.

Another split when the groom was rumbled searching for a date on Tinder after two weeks.

And the third couple separated long before Christmas.

So you’d imagine there’d be no second series, let alone one with the same panel of criminally useless matchmakers — a psychologist, a sex and relationship therapist, an “evolutionary anthropologist”, a vicar, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker. Some of which I may have made up.

Yet there it was, Tuesday night, C4, Married at First Sight, with no change of personnel and narrator Stephen Mangan asking a series of questions all begging the same answer.

“In search of true love, could you trust science to find you a perfect match?” No.

“Would you marry a complete stranger, someone you will only meet on your wedding day?” No.

“Will it work? Can science really predict who we fall in love with?” No, no and no again.

“Couples will be married at a legally binding wedding, one where you meet your mother-in-law before you meet your wife.”

And if that isn’t enough to put your off, I don’t know what is.

Turns out it wasn’t for 3,500 lovelorn souls who applied to be partnered up in four couples by the “experts” from the photos of the final 22 on a table, like they were picking acts for X Factor’s Judges’ Houses.

By an incredible fluke, though, the pair featured in episode one, Clark and Melissa, appear to be an almost perfect match.

And I do genuinely wish them all the luck together.

Especially as Melissa had visions of marrying Superman because of his name and that Clark’s mum didn’t appear to be at the wedding following her initial reaction on him telling her about it: “F***! F***! Ring me!”

He also didn’t quite seem to get the whole concept: “It’s not really marrying a stranger, it’s actually marrying someone you’ve never met before.”

Fortunately the bride passed his strict “teeth-to-gum ratio” deal-breaker and he declared himself: “The luckiest guy in the world.”

Nonetheless, Dr Anna Machin was getting in her disclaimers early: “The science can bring them together and the marriage can give them that commitment to work hard at the relationship, but ultimately the only people who can make this relationship work are the people involved.”

Dr Mark Coulson completely debunked his own “professor of psychology” credentials by claiming: “People who are married tend to be happier.”

And Rev Nick Devenish announced: “They’ve got the rest of their lives to get this right.”

Or, going on past form, about a fortnight, if they’re lucky.

Don’t delete the Tinder app, either of you.

Spudulikes…

BBC1’s Surviving Aberfan.

C4’s SAS: Who Dares Wins?

Emmerdale’s Funeral Week.

Absolute beginner Ore Oduba showing the Strictly celebs with dance backgrounds how to move.

Honey G unexpectedly turning out to be X Factor’s chink of light.

The Crystal Maze host Stephen Merchant proving who the real comedian was in the Gervais/Merchant writing partnership. (Give us a full series, C4.)

And Child Genius vs Celebrities quizmaster Richard Osman to Thomas, 14: “What’s your specialist subject?” Thomas: “The mathematical paradoxes of Zeno Elea.” Osman to Alan Carr: “What’s your specialist subject?” Carr: “The Golden Girls, 1986-88.” How low brow can you get? Surely Thomas could have chosen a more challenging ancient Greek philosopher.

Spuduhates…

EastEnders’ lousiest ever duff-duffs — Kim refusing to rearrange her driving theory test.

This Morning’s caption for Corrie actress Helen “Gail Rodwell nee McIntyre” Worth: “Gail Rodwell plays Gail McIntyre.”

The fact no one on BBC1’s superb The Missing, with the true identity of abducted girl “Alice” in doubt, has asked: “Alice? Who the f*** is Alice?”

Sharon Osbourne proving unfit for purpose by forgetting her act Saara’s name and picking three non-Motown songs — Ain’t No Sunshine, Mo Money Mo Problems and River Deep, Mountain High — for X Factor’s Motown Week.

And the most pointless end credits in TV history, from Married at First Sight: “Based on the format Married at First Sight.” Finally, the mystery is solved.