FIRST PERSON: ‘Being homeless was daunting and scary’

“I spent my childhood and teenage years going in and out of care.

When I was 16, I was given a house in Llanhilleth. However, I got into an abusive relationship that led to me abusing alcohol and drugs.

I was trying to get away from it all, but it wasn’t easy. One day, I was sobbing my heart out to my friend Danielle and I literally jumped on a train to Cardiff the next morning.

I walked away from my home, from everything.

I lived with her for a week while I tried to get my head round everything that was going on.

Then I put myself into Women’s Aid in Cardiff, but I struggled with it, especially living with other women. I was going through my own things.

I was jumpy and I had a lot of anger problems – I didn’t want to deal with people.

I ended up in a hostel with 26 girls, it is a hostel that is renowned for drugs. It was the last thing I needed, I was only like 19 or 20.

I did abuse drugs and alcohol when I was in that hostel, it is so easy to get on with the wrong crowds.

When you are in that situation, you are so easily influenced because you have nothing else. I didn’t have any friends who could come over and give me a slap, I didn’t have anyone.

I was taking M-cat, amphetamines, sniffing coke, I would do anything apart from heroin. I think that is where the line was.

I am happy I managed to restrain myself from going that far.

One day, I went into my ex’s property to get my money and my stuff out of there. Because he wasn’t there, they tried having me done for burglary. I was arrested for burglary.

I said I only took my own stuff, but they didn’t seem to care. The charges were all dropped, but before that I had to spend four months in jail until the trial because I was homeless.

If you have no fixed abode, they will take you into custody.

I was in Eastwood Park, in Gloucestershire, and it was a reality shock.

I was 20 at the time. I didn’t know what my life had come to, I cried my heart out when I walked into that cell.

It was the realisation that I was in a bad relationship, but I had a nice home. I was doing ok, I had a job. My partner was abusive to me, but I didn’t need to be here.

When I was in prison, I realised I didn’t want to be doing this anymore. I wanted to fight a system and make a difference to it, not be stuck with it.

I have always wanted to be a foster carer, my whole life. I have always wanted to work with social services and try to change things. Being sat in that jail, I knew it was not the path I wanted to take.

I met a lot of girls in prison, it opened my eyes. The women I was inside with helped me a lot, I learnt so much from them.

Prison was a changing point, I have come so far in such a small amount of time. I still struggle with everything that happened, it feels like someone else’s life when I think about it.

When I got out of jail, I had nothing. I didn’t have a home to go to, I didn’t have anyone waiting for me. The court case finished at 5pm on a Friday, meaning I couldn’t go to housing.

I had to wait all weekend and, then, it got to Monday and they told me they had nothing, that there were no spaces in hostels.

I had to sleep in the streets for two weeks in Cardiff and I was 20.

It was daunting and scary, I didn’t know what was going to happen. You don’t know if a man is going to come over and do something to you.

You don’t have anywhere to go tomorrow, you feel stuck in that doorstep or corner. It’s embarrassing, no human should have to go through it.

Talking to other homeless people made me more scared, it made me doubt my own future.

In the end, I moved back with my family for a bit, then probation helped me and put me in touch with Women’s Aid down here, in Pontypool.

Being in the refuge in Pontypool was quiet scary, I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted my own space so I could dealt with everything.

Hostels may not suit people. I wasn’t mentally ready to be in a hostel, and that’s something a lot of homeless people struggle with.

Torfaen council offered me a home here and I accepted it. Until that point, I had spent most of my life going from foster care to hostels.

After prison, I completely stopped drinking and taking drugs. I have turned my whole life around - I have a partner, I have a home, I have two dogs and I help feed the homeless.

I am working with Food For Thought - we go round the city and give the homeless food and hot drinks, as well as providing meals over the weekend. I love it, it is really joyful.

I can sit there with a few of the homeless people and say I have been there. I know the system and I can help them. I love the work I do with Food for Thought, I thrive from it.

I like knowing I have made a difference. I may not be able to physically take you out of the streets and put you in my home, but I can seat there, listen and advice.

I didn’t realise how much homelessness there is, there is homeless everywhere you turn. I have opened a lot of people’s eyes with the work we do.

A lot of the people that are involved had never spoken with a homeless person before.

I am doing a degree in psychology and law from home - with the baby on the way, I can’t move far.

My baby’s name is Kiaus and I want to get everything ready for him. I am due at the end of May.

I have all these plans, but I think I am just going to enjoy my family and look at everything I have got.

After everything I have been through, I think I deserve to be happy and have a family unit. I don’t want my child to go through anything like I went through.

I want to work with social services, I have this idea for my own independent business. I want to make a change, I can relate with children that are going through foster care.

I want to be as much help as I can to the kids, it is not about the system – it is about no one apart from the children.