Grief affects everyone differently - it does not matter who you are, where you are from, or how old you are - and a Gwent funeral director is providing free classes in how to cope with it. ELIZABETH BIRT found out more.

LOSING a loved one is one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can go through - and affects different people in different ways. Some can find it very difficult to cope with their feelings, and that's why Newport-based funeral director Tovey Bros is running classes - called STEPS - helping people manage their grief.

One person who has attended the sessions is mother-of-two Bal Gill, from Newport. After her dad Partab Singh Sidhu died of sepsis at the age of 80 in July last year, she found no time to grieve herself as she was prioritising the emotional wellbeing of her young children and widowed mother.

South Wales Argus:

Bal Gill and her father Partab Singh Sidhu. She attended the sessions after his death last year

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A friend recommended STEPS and, despite being unsure about sharing her grief with strangers, she went ahead and now credits the group and its co-ordinator Natalie Howard with helping her move forward while still honouring her father’s memory.

“There was that sense of nervousness before I first went to STEPS around expectations," she said. "I remember Natalie standing at the front of the room and I can’t recall exactly what she said but I cried.

"It was the first opportunity I’d had to get off the treadmill of life and actually grieve my loss.

“I strongly related to what Natalie shared about how when her own father passed away - she took on her mum’s grief and didn’t take the time to grieve as a daughter. I was trying to be invincible for others but forgot about myself as a person."

Ms Hill completed the course twice, and added: “I never felt STEPS was based on a particular faith and this helped restore my faith in humanity because death doesn’t discriminate.

"I never felt judged or vulnerable because of my race or beliefs - we were all united in our grief - so I would encourage anyone to take part.”

Anne Levett is another who found comfort in STEPS. Her mum Margaret Levett died in June last year at the age of 100.

South Wales Argus:

Anne Levett attended the STEPS sessions after the death of her 100 year-old mother Margaret

Ms Levett said: “Last year started on a high because we had a big birthday party for Mum which was attended by the Mayor.

"She was presented with a telegram from the Queen, a clock from the local authority and was on the front page of the Argus. Then, when she died a few months later, I felt really flat even though she had lived to such a great age.

South Wales Argus:

Margaret Levett celebrating her 100th birthday in February 2018. Picture: www.christinsleyphotography.co.uk

“I was initially nervous about attending STEPS because I was still upset about mum and didn’t know what to expect, but once I started talking to other people I just became engrossed in their stories.

"Seeing that there were other people in more need than me gave me some perspective - mum was 100 after all. Tovey’s were very kind, considerate and helpful when we organized her funeral.

“I liked how people in the group never gave up; plenty of cups of tea helped too. Natalie is wonderful, she just lets you talk and is non-judgmental.

"I found it inspiring meeting Dr Bill Webster who started STEPS off and I’d really like to thank him for all the work he has been doing. The monthly follow-up group is marvellous and a great help because you can stay in touch with the other people you got friendly with on the course."

Roger Henthorn joined STEPS in the autumn of 2016. He was struggling to cope with the death of Lyn, his wife of 30 years.

He saw STEPS advertised on a notice board in a supermarket and decided to try it out. He had previously been a full time carer for his disabled wife until she died in January that year at the age of 71.

South Wales Argus:

Roger Henthorn joined STEPS in 2016 after his wife's death and still goes along now to help out

"Lyn knew her days were limited and what the future held but still made sure we went on holidays despite needing to take oxygen on the plane," said Mr Henthorn.

"She did say she wanted me to find somebody else when she had gone - she said she didn’t want to peep through the clouds from heaven and see me lonely.

“(STEPS) was nerve-wracking at first as I didn’t know what to expect but they were a friendly lot and you soon get to know a few people. I did find it very helpful, especially knowing that the way I’d been feeling was natural and that I wasn’t going mad.

"I had become very forgetful since losing Lyn and it did cross my mind that it could be down to old age, but when other people shared similar experiences of grief causing forgetfulness, I felt greatly reassured.

“I did the course twice because the first time I was so numb things didn’t really sink in. Natalie is a brilliant person so now I go along to help the newcomers, especially on the first night if they’re sitting on their own and need a chat or to ask questions.”

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The programme was started by James Tovey - the sixth generation family member to head Tovey Bros - who realised that there is a need to help people with grief beyond the funeral, and so STEPS was born.

It now runs three times a year at Newport’s Lysaght Institute and is led by Natalie Howard.

South Wales Argus:

Reverend Natalie Howard leads the STEPS sessions

The grandmother-of-six is a former lay reader, deacon and priest in the Church of Wales and over her two decades in the service realised the need for a bereavement service.

She has now helped more than 200 local people to cope with their grief.

Ms Howard said: “People who have lost loved ones tend to get supported in the time running up to the funeral but it’s usually months, or even years down the line that they can realise they haven’t worked through the grieving process.

“The longer it’s left, the harder it is to resolve. After seeing that need on a personal level, I saw supporting these people as a gift that would be wrong not to utilise.

“People of all faiths die and experience grief, that’s the common denominator. It’s just being there for them. I’m open about where I’m coming from spiritually - if they want to ask me questions I’m delighted to answer but my priority is to support them regardless of their background.”

After the six-week course ends, it does not stop there. People are able to do the course again and there is a monthly follow-up friendship group for anyone who has already been on the course.

People attending the courses are welcome to bring a family member or friend for support. STEPS is for anyone who is bereaved, whether recent or dating back over the years. The next one begins February 25 next year. Anyone interested may telephone Tovey’s on 01633 266848 or email info@toveybros.co.uk