Dear Sir

I would with your express permission, like to take the opportunity afforded, to respond to your recent letter regarding the state of current political status in the United Kingdom.

(As defined by the respective areas and affiliations, Mongoloid individuals in that area, see themselves, and thus respecting those rights therein), and our local member of parliament in particular..

I would draw your attention to paragraph 3 (Lines 3 to 5), in that, as I understand it, it is anatomically impossible, for any individual, let alone a respected member of her majesty's parliament, with a majority of 256, to attain that extremely painful position, or insert sideways the object in question.

There were claims, please read, "Double-jointedness, sadism, and other obscure native customes of the upper Umbopu deltas", by Arthur Closworth (Published by Binge and Whinkham 1997), that did claim something similar, but I gather the orifice in question was much larger, and peculiar to that native species, and rather the exception to the general rule, and the MP in question is not as I am aware, a member of that tribe, indeed, hails from Buckingham.

Could I also point out aspects of dubious and unerudtite spelling apparent, in paragraph 4 ? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word "Idiot" has no 'J' in it, nor an 'P', also, you may be interested to know, our MP for Uxgrimble (East), has recently published a family historical book, in which, (far from your somewhat obscenical statement, and declarations), is fully aware of his parentage, and that it can be accurately validated to 1675, with no female porcines in the family tree, included as he is aware....

I am unsure your reference in paragraph 6, to commonwealth and other foreign visitors to our shores, altogether complies with racial equality laws, disability, ethnic, or even animal rights legislation. I'm almost sure it contains 36 Human rights violations, and constitutes a clear case for libel and contains serious breaches of religious tolerance. Public transport may well not be adequate in your area, but I'm unsure if current road legislation allows for dogs to be used in the manner you have precribed, on a public highway, or, if females should be forced to assume that unsightly position...

In my response, I have taken the liberty to include a dictionary for your further use, and free access to a language therapist, in the hope it may help alleviate repetitive strain injury to your lips and fingers as they constantly move along the page as you read. It is of course in large print. I wonder if you could clarify the exact area you are from ? and the primary language you use ?

Paragraphs 7 to 9 I have been unable to fathom, and I e-mailed it to a professor of ancient hieroglyphs in Cairo, who is also stumped, but quite excited, as he feels there is possibly a new language here, hitherto unknown to historians, unfortunately without a 'Rosetta stone' to help along the way, I am unable to respond to the content of those paragraphs. There appears aspects of Latin and gibberish in it, quite beyond our comprehension.

I look forward (I think), to your response....

Yours Sincerely

Moldwyn Clyndwr.