My computer desk has seen better days, and I am deciding whether to take a plunge and buy a flat-Pack assembly one, which is stupid I know, because I'm unlikely to get past opening the instruction book, without a hammer and chain saw... I want one with a filing cabinet built-in so I can hide all the junk I've amassed over the last few years, and until I can afford a decent-sized skip to clear the lot out.

I have 4 unfinished books, with more reference material than the British Library, 53 'free' discs I got from various magazines, and are totally useless and won't work on my computer anyway, 76 copies of Computing now from 1996-1999, with only the index well-thumbed because the rest was printed in a language I think was created on a different planet, 3 keyboards, 4 mice, with wobbly wheels on, one with wiffy or something, but there no battery in it, and I don't know anything about Wi-Fi except it's not got wires or something, but is apt to microwave your teeth if you aren't careful and not too eco-friendly..and 5 new species of insect life has spawned at the back of my computer cabinet as well.

There is also about 25 miles of connectors or cabling, which probably won't fit anything created since 1990, I can't throw them out or the entire planet will be polluted.

My specifications in order of importance:

1) Elegant - I liked desks that wrapped around you, and are mined so the muse doesn't get interrupted.

2) Easy to Make - Minimal tools and time, preferably with a button on the box I press and it assembles itself.

3) Cheap - I don't want to over-extend myself in these credit crunchable days, so £5 -£10 I'm easy, I realise you can't skimp on quality..

I am struck with a desire now to be less erudite with the text side of it, and want to do a mini Spielberg, so want to diverse into video, I think many Argus readers who stumble on my blogs by sheer bad fortune or accident, would be very surprised to see me animated to any degree..

Normally I would think this pretentious, but having wandered away from my computer recently and looking at television to see how the uneducated live, I discovered It will perhaps entail me having to dumb down quite a bit, still.......

I fancy being a sort of secret Newportonian reporter, exposing norty people doing even nortier things. I bought some video software to get started, it says "You too can make Film epics like War and Peace on your home computer... it's EASY..." (Anything with easy as a tile usually means impossible to me, but I'm game). The instruction book beat war and peace by 15 chapters, and needed a separate van for delivery....

It wasn't helped by being translated into Mandarin either. I thought, if it is that good, why didn't the Chinese make great films ? Seen one wall, you've seen them all really...

When I set it up, it took 3 days, and then when I tried it out, a blurb came up, I hadn't 'flash' or something, or some obscure 'X' system in my computer, or even a dedicated video wotsit Mk 6, but they gave me a link to a computer site, where for £3,568 (plus Vat), the software might possible work with the 'entry level' dedicated computer, it would probably exit my ban account...it wouldn't work on mine in a million years, so it's back to blogging..... sorry.

I'm finding it hard to top Mike's blog about it raining, perhaps I'll wait till the sun comes out and blog that...