I know we’ve done driving blogs to death on here and we all know that there are only about five people in Cwmbran who could pass their test if they had to retake it but this has got to be said.

The dual carriageway does not have a twenty mile an hour speed limit. There I’ve said it, I’m sorry if it upsets anyone but there you go. And now a few suggestions as to how to abide by this particularly difficult to remember snippet of information.
If you are an old man with a hat on… step away from the car. Do not, under any circumstances get behind the wheel of a car. Use a bus or a taxi.
If you are an old man who has your wife in the car… wear ear plugs and never, ever, turn to look at her for long stretches of road.
If you are having an argument with someone do not drive the car… you are slowing down while shouting then speeding up while being shouted at. Park up and scream all you like.
If you wish to know what the special offers in Aldi are… go and park in the car park , get out and have a look. This goes for B&Q, TK Maxx and yes there’s a sale on at Harveys… there’s always a sale on at Harveys you don’t have to slow down to find that out.
If you are unsure which lane you should be in don’t drive slowly down the central white line or I will be forced to kill you. White van drivers and women please take note.
If you want to go to Sainsbury’s but don’t know if the car park is full… wait until you get there before slowing down for a look.
And finally, if you are very old ,or you are still drunk from the night before, or you have an inner ear problem… go round a different way, do not, I repeat DO NOT, drive at twenty miles an hour because it feels fast, makes you want to throw up or makes your vision blurry if you go any faster.
Thank you.