WHAT a great piece of confidence-building it was for one of the most senior men in the International Monetary Fund to tell us all that we are close to global financial meltdown.

So what sort of a reaction do we think the markets will have to that well-timed kick in the teeth?

Yes, more red lines plummeting on BBC News and more having to put up with that po-faced Robert Peston who seems to have been made the sort of star Richard Bilton was during foot and mouth.

Peston is a man who appears to be revelling in it all - no doubt rubbing his hands in glee at the amount of network time he has been getting.

He has, however, served one purpose. He makes me glad to see Old Slipper Face Gordon Brown instead.

Brown, generally perceived only two weeks ago as a ditherer who could do no right, is now regaining statesmanship points with his handling of the crisis.

Here at Argus Towers we have a plan to ride out the storm. We are raiding our piggy banks with a view to jointly purchasing Iceland. The country, not the store beloved of Kerry Katona.

We reckon it should be really cheap in the next few weeks, and we could earn a nice profit from the island which is still growing because of its volcanic activity.

So we could hold onto it for 25 years and make a killing.

In the meantime, it could be a pleasure palace for the tired and weary of Gwent, and we would have all the cod we could eat.

For an extra £2.50, the Icelanders could throw in Bjork to serenade Peston every day. That would cheer us all up.

We could make all other visitors - especially those from Cardiff - wear her infamous swan costume for the duration of their stay.

And The Sugar Cubes' Einaar could make all railway announcements.

ANOTHER winner in this market of losers is Business Secretary Peter Mandelson.

He's back in government an is reportedly in line for a £1 million pay-off and pension package from Brussels now that he has left his job as Trade Commissioner.

Warms the cockles of one's heart, doesn't it?

I would say he could be laughing all the way to the bank, but these days....

AND finally...

HERE are just a few quotes on the banking crisis: "Nobody is throwing themselves out of windows yet and Richard Branson hasn't taken to selling hot-dogs on street corners. Keep your nerve. And if it all goes belly up, let's storm Parliament'' - Comedian Paul O'Grady.

"I trust that our whole nation will turn in repentance and cry to God for an intervention so that the calamity will not come on our children and on the babes in their cots'' - Dr Ian Paisley.

I thank the Lord I will always be more O'Grady than Paisley.