THE whole world may be losing their heads because of the recession, but for the discerning gourmet, there is hope.

Cut-price supermarket Lidl is selling 375g pre-cooked lobsters for £4.99 - less than half the price that a fishmonger would normally charge.

The offer is on because the store has secured 350,000 whole wild Canadian lobster from the North West Atlantic.

A Lidl spokesman said: "They are absolutely flying off the shelves, but it's one of the specials so once they're gone, they're gone.”

So expect your local store to be inundated with ladies in twinsets and pearls after the credit-crunch crustacean. They will then claim that their lobster made its way to their table via the monthly hamper they order from Fortnum and Mason.

Top people’s shop Harrods normally charges £22 for a 500g lobster, so the ladies who lunch on it will be making a killing.

Share prices may be through the floor, but those bankers who have been wringing their hands in despair will at least be able to have one hearty last meal without breaking the bank. Bless.

But perhaps we ought to no longer think of lobster as the preserve of the upper classes.

Should there be a sudden fall in the price of chablis, a typical meal of lobster and wine enjoyed by, say, Lord Bath, could soon become cheaper than the rising price of cod, chips, mushy peas and a can of coke in your local chippie.

It’s only a matter of time before Gordon Brown paraphrases Marie Antoinette and tells those bemoaning rising food prices: “Let them eat lobster”.

EVEN Joan Collins seems to be feeling the pinch. The Dynasty star was recently snapped at a US cut-price shop, Target, in West Hollywood.

Be comforted that she did, however, load her shopping into the boot of her Rolls Royce.

IF you have a small wad of cash and are worried by the banking crisis, a listener to Terry Wogan’s Radio Two programme has the answer: "Ladies, not sure where to put your money these days? Save pounds by padding your bras with your cash. It will keep the chest warm for the winter and you will find that it generates quite a bit of interest’’.

Thanks for that....

AND finally...

PRINCE PHILIP is at it again.

The uber-diplomat who upset the Chinese and Australian Aboriginals has now turned his attention to those working in the tourist industry.

He is reported to have said: "Tourism is just national prostitution. We don't need any more tourists. They ruin cities.’’ So, then, he’ll be reimbursing the hundreds of thousands of visitors who have paid £15.50 for a tour of Buckingham Palace’s state rooms, or £28.50 for a day ticket to the palace’s state rooms, royal mews and Queen’s gallery.

No, I thought not.