When you're older and single, opportunities for love and friendship may lead to placing the search for a partner in the hands of professionals. NIGEL JARRETT speaks to a woman about what that involves

BRENDA Shinkins was 51 when she found herself alone after three decades of marriage but still willing to share her life with a man.

She was married at 20, had one daughter and for most of her family life things went swimmingly.

But five years after her daughter left home to start her own family, the marriage began to lose its sparkle and eventually ended in amicable divorce.

"I felt it was at the stage where there was more freedom than we'd enjoyed in the previous 20 years," she said. "I wanted to go out more and do things together.

"Bringing up a child can be restricting and the teenage years can be difficult.

"Not that I didn't enjoy every minute of it. But you need to be a different parent as your children get older."

She admits the adventure and the early passion had disappeared from the marriage.

Nothing seemed to work, bitterness set in on both sides and divorce was finally the only option. "It sounds corny," she said, "but we'd drifted apart."

It was then that the former foundry despatch clerk realised that finding a new partner would be difficult.

She was 54.

"Perhaps it was a lot to do with me, but I found many of the usual ways of meeting people more associated with the young pubs and clubs and that sort of thing," she said. "I was never one for them anyway. I suppose most married couples only have mutual friends of the opposite sex.

"I'd read about dating agencies but I couldn't find them in the phone book because they are called introduction agencies. I actually felt better about that."

She contacted an agency and waited for a call.

"Someone came to see me. She was very friendly and wanted ID, which was something I hadn't thought of. I could have been anyone.

My photo was taken and I gave them details of the kind of person I was looking for and my details were also taken.

"I was told none of my information would be given to a possible partner unless I gave permission.

In less than two weeks I was given a match, which has been successful.

"We decided to go to the theatre, because that's what I said I liked, and we met.

"It wasn't a blind date. I felt I knew about my partner before he called for me at my home in his car.

"We'd spoken a couple of times on the phone.

"We had a great evening and we've been out many times.

"We are still getting to know each other.

"We'd say we are great friends.

"We don't talk about romance as though it's something we're looking for but isn't there yet.

"At our age I don't think you get starstruck. Love's a different thing as you get older."

How to meet a special someone

BRENDA's experience is confirmed by Nigel Curnock, director of the Searchmate Newport introduction agency.

"If you haven't met that special someone through friends or work colleagues, where can you go as a single person and feel comfortable meeting them? he asked.

"There is a definite problem for people between 20 and 30 but it gets bigger the older we get. A lot of singles between 40 and 60 are using professionals like us to achieve things for them."

Mr Curnock said the problem he heard most from singles seeking partners was that they didn't know where to start looking.

"Being on your own after a long marriage or relationship leaves a big void and the thought of living life as a single person is very daunting.

"Even the possible chance of meeting a work colleague is not available to someone who has retired from work.

"The problem has grown because women, particularly, are less likely to feel happy about a chance meeting at a bar or party with someone about whom they know nothing."

He said Searchmate visited all potential members in their own homes, primarily to satisfy themselves that they were genuine - and to find all the information required in an informal way.

"No personal information is ever divulged to anybody we visit as a potential match until the member sanctions it," he said.

"We find that adopting this confidential approach is very comforting to older age groups.

"The ageing population means there is a huge number of people who are alone again after a number of years and who are terrified of today's singles market. We take the difficult bit out of starting again."

* For more information about Searchmate Newport, contact Nigel Curnock on 0870 116 0769.