Strange. Very strange. Being an ex-player, that is.
I suppose it is no different from the life that I have been leading for the last ten months, because I haven't been playing any cricket anyway.
It's just that there is no prospect of ever playing again. That is the difference. There is no chance of it ever happening again.
It is the finality of it all that can be a little disconcerting. Generally I am OK about it but just now and again there are quiet moments when I become a little sad, a little melancholy.
It will pass I'm sure, because there are also other moments when I think of things that I will not miss.
For instance, the dreaded bleep test which all the Glamorgan players undertook a week ago. I used to love my fitness but not that test. That was murder.
That was a psychological nightmare. It is a maximal test so you know that you have to push yourself to the limit. And that means severe pain. Not nice.
But for Glamorgan it is not a time now to glance back. They must decide upon a replacement for me. Already that is attracting some media attention and I must admit that I am intrigued to know who it might be.
It is no secret that the opening slot has been a problem position ever since Hugh Morris retired in 1997. Only the overseas' players, Matthew Elliott (who has been scoring a shedful of runs for Victoria I see) and Jimmy Maher (who got a hundred recently for Queensland but is not having a vintage Australian season by any stretch of the imagination) have filled that spot with any real conviction.
But, by his own admission, Maher had a disappointing time here last summer, so he will be keen to make amends this time around.
But who will open with him? Reading between the lines it seems to boil down to a choice between three - Dan Cherry, Ian Thomas or Mark Wallace. All have Gwent connections to a degree (Wallace might claim Powys ancestry but is an Abergavenny boy in my book: Cherry was born in Newport but has been reared in separate stints of west Wales and Tonbridge, Kent; and Thomas is a Machen boy through and through) and all have had their opportunities before in the position.
Wallace probably has had the greatest success, albeit in less games, especially at the end of last season when he played extremely well there.
But I have my reservations about him doing the job on a full-time basis. I am worried that it might affect his wicketkeeping. And that is his primary role for Glamorgan.
Yes, we all like our wicketkeepers to score runs these days - and those that don't are often discarded - but Wallace must make sure that his wicketkeeping is in order before anything else. To keep wicket for long periods of time - could be a day and a half at the start of a four day match - and then go straight back out and open the batting is a difficult ask.
As I said, he managed it at the end of last season but that was only for a short period of time. He could see light at the end of the tunnel as it were.
Cherry is the one I can relate most easily to, because he reminds me a bit of me when I was his age. He seems to have a sound temperament, without possessing a strikingly large range of shots, but seems to lack a little bit of self belief.
I thought he shaped up well when I gave him the opportunity to open with me in 2002 but he did not go on to make the substantial score which might have bolstered that self belief.
He looks to be the most natural opener of the three.
Ian Thomas does not lack self belief for certain. He is a feisty character, who hits the ball hard. But as I have said to him, I am not sure that he is a natural opener - not in the longer game anyway- although he will point to the fact that he can bat anywhere in the top six.
He is, however, an ideal opener for one day cricket in this modern game and I felt he was a little unlucky not to have occupied that role a bit more last season.
Whatever, reading Robert Croft in the press this week, it seems that it will be a choice between these three rather than looking to the more experienced Adrian Dale or David Hemp - both of whom have been tried there in recent times, both at my suggestion.
The experiment with Hemp was very unsuccessful and was a bad call by me, while I have been surprised that Dale has not got more runs there because I always felt he was a top-order batsman when he was younger.
Indeed we made names for ourselves as openers with the Glamorgan Colts side. But he seems happier now batting in the middle order, especially at number five, where he enjoyed much success in 2000 and 2001.
The problem is that a lot of the Glamorgan batsmen seem to want to bat around that position. Ah, what was I saying about missing certain things? Over to Robert Croft.
And good luck...
Steve James
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