TWO beauty queens allegedy brawling over a TV Gladiator, one relinquishing her Miss England crown and being replaced by a serving soldier nicknamed Combat Barbie.

No, it's not the latest script for Midsomer Murders, it's real life - and you couldn't make it up.

Miss England Rachel Christie, 21, stepped down as she wanted to concentrate on clearing her name after being arrested following a dispute with Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, at a Manchester nightclub earlier this week.

The TV gladiator in question is called Tornado. He appears in the Sky1 series and his real name is David McIntosh. Bet he's not pleased with himself at all.

On from the alleged nightclub scrappers to a real fighter, Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, who was first runner-up in the 2009 Miss England contest, thus now swapping her cap for the crown.

She has been given leave from her duties as a soldier in the British Army and will represent England in the Miss World Final in Johannesburg on December 12.

I suspect there will be no false-nails-at-dawn confrontations with her, and that the other contestants will treat her with kid gloves.

L/Cpl Hodge was previously given an award by her unit in the Royal Anglian Regiment for her actions during a posting in Basra.

"We arrested an Iraqi suspect we wanted to question and were taking him back to the prison when we were involved in a road accident,’’ she said.

"Our vehicle rolled over and, when I came round, the Iraqi had escaped and had our weapons. I knew I had to do something or he would have shot us all dead. It was a real do-or-die moment.

"My training just kicked in and I managed to disarm him, get the weapons back and restrain him.’’ Sounds like a good woman to have around in, say, a nightclub in Manchester when Tornado is shaking his funky stuff.

EVER wondered what the turn-out would be at your own funeral?

Brazilian man Ademir Jorge Goncalves found out - when he turned up for it.

The 59-year-old had been incorrectly identified by one relative as the victim of a car crash in Parana state.

Mr Goncalves had, in fact, spent the night drinking a rum-like liquor called 'pinga' with his friends, oblivious to reports of his demise until his funeral was already under way.

A police spokesman said: "Before long, the walking dead appeared at the funeral. It was a relief."

That's probably not the word his stunned family would have used.

AND finally...

Now this may be a contradiction in terms, but a Buddhist bank robber (yes, you read it correctly) was refused permission for his cat to visit him in a German jail even though he says it's the reincarnation of his mother.

Peter Keonig, 46, lost his case, but the court did say he would be allowed to write to the cat.