MR EVERETT, I salute your good taste in reserving a place on the ark which Stan and I have laboured so hard to complete on time. We aim to please and, while the table and cabin you specify may be somewhat crudely made, they should float pretty well in case of any more fundamental constructional flaws.

The provision of a band poses no difficulty. Stan on trombone and the warthogs duelling on banjos should be sufficient for anyone of your obvious piquancy of style.

The only fly in the ointment (and yes, we also have two of those) is your insistence on bringing your parrot – Stan is unfortunately allergic.

He has, however, a resistance to budgies which is why your reservation has reluctantly been re-allocated to a certain Mr Capes.

As for your suggestion of a lottery, no matter how kindly meant: after the deluge, I fear the weekly jackpot would be fairly meagre, even with a rollover.

Stan and I apologise for any inconvenience and refer you to the disclaimer in our advertisement.

However, never fear.come the next flood...

Julian R Powell, Larch Grove, Newport